dream again
this morning i dreamt...
i was studying with glenna and adil at home. (super random)
then mitch and sam and one more person came over.
i think he got pissed that glenna was with me.
i think mitch was trying to persuade me to go some where
but my clothes were all in the wash.
err i can't remember what happened after. boring.
as for tonight.i'm meeting inez and adrian in an hour's time. going on a boat with her dad, his gf and idk who else. counting down with these strangers. it can't be that bad huh? i plan to meet up with min and all after the boat/yacht thingy. we'll see where the night takes me.happy new year everyone. =)
re: my fb status.
my status: Erin is wondering, what's with all these weird dreams?!
seriously, my dreams have got to stop.
i'm soo weirded out by them.
i only remember one that didn't come true.
-a friend's death. but that was when i was 9. i remembered i woke up crying.
it's very seldom that i have dreams. and when i do, they're about the people around me. i usually remember it for a very short while then totally forget about them until they happen. like i get that sense of dejavu. i remembered telling my best friend, min, about one. it came true like 6 months later. min reminded me about it. i swear i was like omfg, yeah. didnt mean to sound like a blonde there. but if you were in my situation, you'd understand how shocked and surprised i was. it can be scary sometimes. it never happens in the exact fashion but the gist of it is there.
now, about the most recent one that came true.
mitch and i seated at some cafe.
he was telling me that tessa wasnt the one and that he still loves me and all that.
one week later, he called to tell me that.
weird eh?
there were 2 dreams after that.
one is about a boy. only trev knows. =)
the other dream happened this morning.
i don't know why when i was dreaming, my mind didn't register it as a nightmare.
i only realised a few hours later that, wtf is happening?!
it was of mitch and i, very intimate. i'm still frowning about it.
ugh. disgusting.
my x'mas present, i think.
Christmas is here!
i've had too much to eat. i'm still feeling full from christmas day.
and i havent even eaten today.
lotsa food at godma's place and at home on christmas.
i couldn't eat at steph's place at all.
anyways, i met a few new people.
i didnt realise what was happening til a while later.
=D
there's nothing to tell really.
but what happened was i dreamt of **a**.
then i woke up smiling. that hasn't happened in a really really long time.
but as i was telling a friend, nothing's gonna happen la. i'm pretty sure.
well, whatever for now.
i'll just stay happy.
=DDDDD
yayy.
i have pretty pretty nails.
i don't feel like typing anymore.fuck you mitchell.
Sunday Morning.
after 2 days of being cold to me, suddenly this morning i see a text from you saying you'll always love me?
i seriously don't understand you anymore.
you cant seem to decide on anything and you don't seem to want to stay single.
you say you like your freedom but you like having a girlfriend? huh?!!?
i feel like picking your brain apart.
Sunday.
i woke up early for some svdp event thingy. was at ncc and they were celebrating christmas.
i saw mark's and brad's moms but i didnt know who was who so i just called them the olsen sisters. mark's mom had a guy following her around.
i later found out from him that he's the boss. hmmmm. what's that about? haha
i actually didn't wanna go but my dad told me he wanted me there to babysit my niece.
that made everything okay no matter how lame it was.
we later went back to my dad's place. spent my Sunday there.
was pretty tiring cuz my niece is really attention seeking.
played badminton with her little rackets and little shuttlecock.
then played snakes and ladders which i won. haha.
most of the time i was too lazy and tired to move so i just played with burberry.
my sister, joyce, named her shihtzu burberry.
i dont understand.
oooh, she has a lil one week old baby.
his lips were like puckered up the whole day. cute.
he's gonna grow up loving kissing i think?
i went home smelling like burberry. eww.
anyways, today was really tiring. gonna sleep. goodnight.
hah
you told her you regret breaking up with her way before i put up that post addressing her.
so my post was just an excuse to stop every thing between us.
you sneaky sneaky bastard.
saying you love me in front of me and telling her you regret breaking up with her behind my back.
i dont know what the hell are you thinking anymore.
you say i know you better than anybody cuz we've been tgt for so long,
i didnt agree but you still insisted you're right like you always do.
stop making me look like im the bad person to justify your actions.
its not fair to me cuz im not able to defend myself or even find out about what you said about me to your friends.
liar liar
well well
it seems you broke up with her for me and then we went out for a week
but because i addressed a post to her, i was insensitive?
then you decided to use this and my past as an excuse to leave me and go back to her?
you didn't wanna look like a dick to your friends.
now you gonna put all the blame on me again
and tell them stuff that makes you look like an angel,
like you have no part to play in this.
i still don't feel like i've done any wrong.
i'm not the one who lied and cheated on her.
i don't feel like i have anything to hide.
it's not like i'm going out with some one else.
she's not my friend.
you're the one who has done wrong to her, not me.
so stop putting blame on me.
right now, YOU'RE the slut.
stop calling other people names.
i think you should make up your mind instead of being so unsure before deciding to do anything.
you should have made sure of your feelings then broke up with her then came to me
or you should decide you dont wanna let her down then not talk to me.
idk anything anymore
you're putting me through now what you put me through during those 2 months.
i couldnt say i love you because i kept seeing this happen and it really did.
so i should have kept everything between the two of us?
its not my fault you felt you should lie to her. its not my fault she came to look at my blog.
no one asked her to.
yes i was childish to have dedicated an entry to her and uploaded photos of us.
i shouldnt have.
i should have thought about how she'd feel just like she should have thought about how i would have felt when she wrote all over your wall and uploaded photos.
i dont know how im supposed to be all selfless. im only human and i guess this is my way of reacting. i dont know how to take it out on you so im venting on my blog. i really didnt expect anyone to look or read. if you feel like you done her so much wrong then what are you doing with me.
now im back to square one again. i didnt wanna feel this way all over again thats why i didnt wanna talk to you. things were just easier that way. you keep judging me on my mistakes. how are you gonna see if i've changed or not? its been 3 months, and i know i've changed.
its only with you that i've put up this wall. cuz i keep seeing this day happen and it really did. i was starting to warm up to you, starting to get used to your hugs and kisses and you saying i love you and all that. i was slowly starting to respond.
you just refuse to see me for what i am and you keep looking at my past.
how are we ever gonna start anew like that. you agreed with me that we should start anew and not start from where we left off.
hi
Tessa,
mind your own business?
if you like reading my blog so much, i'll even let you know more.
everyone thinks your rage blackouts are sth you made up for attention.
mitch has been coming over to my place since wed last week.
he told me he was thinking of me the whole time he was with you.
i respected that the both of you were together that time so i didn't contact him. how about you do the same. so what if you think he lied to you?
The 2 of you are over.
Uncertainty/unsure/skeptical/undecided/hesitant
Somehow, I'm just comfortable with all this. Like it's meant to be.
But, there's a lot of 'buts' in this whole situation.
There're so many things I'm afraid of.
Like certain things you did, you did it to me then to her. You might just do it to me again or anyone else.
E.G., you suddenly didn't wanna my answer calls and all that. And the next thing I knew, it was a break up and you're already with someone else. You really were sucha dick.
I would have thrown away my pride and chased you back then but you took that for granted and was so convinced that you didn't want me back. Look what happened now. You're back and I never saw that coming but I'm still hurt from what you did.
And you realised how much you took me for granted in the past.
You should never have been with anyone the past one month, cuz that's all I think about.
You say that you can see forever with me but I'm still as commitment phobic as ever. It might take me another 2 years to see it your way or it might take lesser time.
In the past I would have been very happy if you proposed and we were engaged. Now, idk, every thing's just different. I don't even understand why I feel so differently about this as compared to a month before. You should never have been with someone else.
I know that the moment I say, 'I love you', would just be magical because of all the waiting and anticipation.
It's just not happening now.
whip
whipwhippedwhipped creamwhiplashwhip upwhippingwhip graftingand finally,
p*ssy whipped.
sucha failure.
I think I'm confirm gonna fail HTID & BT. I hope that's about it. I don't wanna take any more supp papers.wtf am i doing?!?!?!
this is not happening.
i've worked so hard toward this.
i can't go back to the past.
i need a new start.
Labels: exams
insomnimaniac
I haven't been able to sleep well in about 2 months?
More like taking naps really.
Maximum hours of sleep is like 4 hours? WTF.
I think it's insomnia alr. Seriously need to see a doc for those sleeping pills.
Been meaning to but haven't gotten around to doing it.
Been wanting to get a flu jab too. Ugh. Hate needles.
I cried the last time I needed a jab. Curses to that China nurse.
Anyways, I've revamped this blog quite a bit.
I've asked for a few opinions from various people online at this time and made a choice for this template. Super plain, but it's all good. =)Oh yes. To a certain someone. I'm serious about asking you to leave me alone, even after my papers are done. UNLESS you wanna take back your stuff, don't contact me. At least til Feb or sth. I don't wanna talk to you cuz we both believe we're talking shit about each other. Seriously, I've had enough. =)
