THE ROCKSTAR.

Drag.

I woke up this morning and decided not to go work. Called my aunt and took leave. The only time I got outta bed was to make that call. Otherwise, I was in bed til seven in the evening.
I didn't wanna leave my bed. I didn't wanna leave the warmth. Was just too comfortable. I woke up with grastric pains. Off and on I'd feel the pain. Sharp pains. A few times it would get so pain that I can't move. Like as if I was really bedridden. Obviously my tummy was telling me I need to eat but I wasn't even hungry. No appetite means no appetite. I don't know how long this has been going on for. Haven't had these pains for 183643545237 months and suddenly it comes back. Ah well. Whatevers.

So I'd stayed in bed reading and drifting off to sleep and when I woke up I started reading again and then drifted off to sleep. Lost count of how many times I woke up. Felt like as if I was sedated or something.

Momma calls around twelve and finds out I'm home and asks why and blah blah blah. Casually told her I just wanted to take the day off and she didn't bother asking anymore then she said she'd buy dinner back and told me to cook some rice.
Figured if I wanna tell her, I'd have said something already. Good thing she doesn't poke her nose around too much. Whatever she has to know, I'll tell her in my own time.

Finally I wake up around quarter to seven and lazed in bed for a bit and decided to get outta my bed. Went to wash the rice for cooking and while it was cooking, I did the laundry. I don't know why, but it'd felt good. Wierd.

I need a smoke real bad! I only had one stick for yesterday. I know I have two sticks left but I don't know where they are. Maybe I left them at some coffeeshop or 85 market or something. NVM. There were two miserable sticks left. If I was desperate enough, I would've gone downstairs by now. Wouldn't even be here complaining.

Rahhh. I become a mean monster when I'm outta fags and when I smoke, I'm suddenly not constipated anymore. Smoking is a good cure for constipation. And sometimes, when you feel hungry and you don't have money, ask a stranger for a ciggie. It eases your hunger pangs for awhile. Haa. Tried and tested. At least it works on me. Doesn't mean it'll work on everyone.

I suddenly find myself missing the songs from Chloe. Some classical CD I play every day over and over again at my aunt's shop. Though it makes me fall asleep at work, it relaxes. Should bring my laptop to work one day and put the songs in my itunes.

Right. Gotta go work tomorrow. Don't feel like working anymore. Lazy. But I have to. Need to earn some money. Though momma's still giving me seventy per week, it's still not enough. Not enough for retail therapy. I don't go milfing all the time. I don't have much guts as the rest do. AND I don't wanna get caught like some did. Imagine being nineteen and you are under probation. It sucks.

Sera and Vic invited me to their mocktail. Haha. I actually stared at Vic when I heard Mocktail. I made her repeat like three times. Hmmm. So I'm attending it. Meeting Adrian after work and then going to Yew Tee. Never been there. Hope I don't have to go there again. The travelling is taxing. On top of that, that damn chinchow is making me travel all the way to Woodlands to meet him first. Bitch! Haha. I don't know why I'm so nice. All he did in allllll our years of friendship is disturb. That's like eleven years of teasing and disturbing and whatever not. All the korkors in church were like that too. Irritants one by one. Hahaha. OK nevermind about that.

So after I knock off from work I'll be meeting chinchow. Hopefully, he'll be in town so it'll be more convenient. Then we'll meet Sera and the rest. Told momma that I won't be home tomorrow. She's been asking me since last week when'd I be staying over at my dad's or anyone's place. She promised me that she won't bring that boyfriend-what's-his-face over when I'm around. And now she's kinda chasing me out. So I'll be staying over at dunno whose place. Maybe Adrian's, maybe not. Actually, all I wanna do is get outta the house and get drunk. I NEED to get drunk. Argh.

OKAY I'm outta here.
Doing some reading then I'm gonna fall asleep.

posted by Rinster @ 1:32 am 0 Comments

Fab's 21st

Yeh. Happy Birthday Fabian. Sorrry I had to leave early. Wasn't there for the cutting cake part. Asked Eze to help me wish you. And hopefully he did. Or I'd kick his ass. Hahaha.

WHY ARE THERE SOOOOO MANY BIRTHDAYS IN MAY!?

Leo and Anna damn smart. Never buy the present earlier. Wanna buy cup at first then decide to buy him underwear instead when the shops were near closing. Quite embarrassing standing in front of so much guy underwear. Haha. And since they were on sale, I thought of buying some for someone. Then I decided not to. In case my intentions would go unappreciated or the underwear might end up right at the bottom of all the clothes and all.

Everyone's asking me these few days what's wrong with me. Well, everything. But I don't say. I know you don't really wanna hear about my life, about how lousy it has been these 2 weeks. So, duhhh, I'll tell you nothing's wrong and that I'm probably quiet cuz I'm tired or some other bullshit I can think of offhand.But those who're closer to me would know what's been happening.

posted by Rinster @ 10:33 pm 0 Comments

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt. You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well.

posted by Rinster @ 2:04 am 0 Comments

Shitty2.

so now i'm guessing this is a time out?
i have this huge gut feelg that you dont wanna continue this.
i dont know how to deal with this.

if you've thought of so many problems, the why did u go ahead and ask me out.
and this really hurts. i dont believe you've done this to any of your exs before. i think you prolly have treated them better. why should you bother about age? i dont. and u didn wanna bother about age first. so why now this?
and now u think about image. why didnt you think about all these beforehand?

i really wanted this to work out so much. dont do this to me.
i want this to work out.

i must be such a failure. i never manage to keep my relationships long. and these relationships were usually not strong and cuz of that, we break up for the smallest things. and what we have now isnt strong. i thought we could build it up. like overcome what you see as problems. i thought you could gain reassurance from me. as in you feel wierd or insecure about certain things and i dont. but it seems that we suddenly cant think the same way, what you think is what you think, and what i think is my own point of view. i think my friends are fine with you and im quite sure yrs will be fine with me. but you dont. and i think age is but a number. and you dont.

Baby, I wanna work this out. Let me. Work it out with me.




In the meantime, I'll be the Erin that everyone is familiar with. Nonsensical, strong, don't cry easily, independent. At least that is what I will be on the outside. While what I'm feeling inside is totally opposite.

posted by Rinster @ 7:47 pm 0 Comments

Happy Birthday Gail.

Photos taken during and after dinner.



haa. smellmybum.
a photo i took of you while you were bathing.or not.

i love black pepper crabs.
i love eating the pincer part. took part of it and put it on my lil finger.
i offered to dig your noses with it. rahhh.
kupo shirley was very amused with me taking photos.

meet my cousin abel. he likes to tan and work out. and he's a nerd.


aunt cheryl and miss grumps. the birthday girl.

my very adorable grandmother. love her to bits.

this is my grandaunt. kupo shirley. her laughter is damn contagious. she cheers me up anytime. i said she's rich and she said it's fake. haha. i dont believe.

i was getting bored while waiting for the bill. so i took random photos. keep my mind occupied.

babe. no matter what, i still love you.

posted by Rinster @ 1:06 am 0 Comments

Shitty.

I’m not happy. I had trouble sleeping last night. Half my mind was on my tattoo and the other half was on you.

The tattoo was my own fault. Did it on impulse and then regretted. Was thinking if I should tell my parents. If yes, which one first. How I should go about it and so on and so forth. Doesn’t really matter. I finally decided to keep it a secret. For now.

Yesterday you called me to say goodnight while I was still having dinner with my friends. I apologized about not being able to meet you today. You were like, “it’s okay, I have a date anyways.” And on further probing, I find out that this girl’s your exand you can actually tell me YOU HAVE A DATE WITH HER?! During the time span of about 3 weeks, you met up with 2 of your exs. Not counting those you meet in school. You specially flew all the way to Australia to meet Gladys. Skipped a day of school for that. I’ll bet you haven’t told them about me? Right. I don’t really wanna think about it. I’ll be more upset.

Duhh! Any girlfriend would be jealous. I didn’t show that cuz I didn’t want you to do the same to me. Okay, show a lil jealousy to a certain extent. Mitchell’s my ex and we are good friends. So is Samuel. But I don’t meet up with them often. But if I go church, I can’t avoid seeing them.

So you show me a lil attitude about me meeting Lyon. I can’t throw a lil hissy fit abt you meeting your ex? The difference is that you had something going on with her before. But that does not apply to me and Lyon. Our relationship is literally and totally platonic.

So I woke up this morning irritated. Didn’t sleep much. So I woke up all grumpy. And the first thing I thought of was your little date. Right. You can tell me you were joking. Don’t EVER joke about these things. You may find it amusing, but I don’t. Really. After I made a small fuss, you didn’t bother replying. Your excuse being you didn feel like talking. Sending a text does not require talking. I called like twice and you damn tidak apa. Hello?! Can’t you tell I’m feeling insecure at this point of time. I still need some reassurance from my boyfriend. At least when you kick up a small fuss about Lyon, I still reply you, no matter how much I don’t feel like talking.

All through dinner today, I couldn’t help but think why is this happening to me again. I was feeling soooooooo insecure. I somehow doubt we’ll last a year. I don’t even know if we’ll last 6 months. I used to think sex destroys everything. Thanks to john. And now, I still do. I feel as if you are gonna break up with me soon. That is how insecure I feel.

Random thoughts penned down today:
because shit like that happens, it makes me remember why I so badly wanted to stay single.I think sex makes or breaks the relationship. Also, I think trust makes or breaks the relationship
__________________________________________________________
But nonetheless i tried to stay cheerful throughout dinner with my family.
photos will be up soon.

posted by Rinster @ 1:03 am 0 Comments

My First Tattoo.

So i cant be bothered to do photoshopping. Evidently, I don't know how to. Haa. But at least there are photos.
The tattoos on my wrist.

posted by Rinster @ 1:52 am 0 Comments

Can't sleep.

I hate my insomnia. Can’t frigging sleep the whole night. I don’t know how I’m gonna survive later.

About twelve plus I felt hungry. Had this weird craving for mushroom cheese prata. Hahasla. Was looking through my msn list for ppl to meet. Then I saw darling Brandon sign in. He politely declined and he said to count him out cuz of school. Curses. Haha. Then I don’t know why but I suddenly remembered Serena Yong staying in the east. Yayys. Haha. Haven’t met her in YEARS. So we did some catching up, a lot actually. Should do this more often. I mean, meeting up with people I haven’t met in a long time.

While we were talking, there was this big screen at the prata shop showing the match between arsenal and sunderland. Haha. I actually pronounced it as soon-der-land. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with my pronounciation but she laughed and corrected me. Hah. Paiseh sial. And I actually, well sorta, watched a match and not fall asleep. Everyone knows I'm not a soccer fan. But baby, I'll support Arsenal cuz you do. (=

Then at half-time I saw some familiar faces. Haven’t met up with them in a long while. Daniel Li and Daniel Tan and Sohkeng and Hanyang. I miss the times we hung out.

Came home around 0445. Thank god I didn’t come home any later. Cuz my mom suddenly woke up and knocked on my door. Phew. Was checking up on me and she was feeling hungry so she woke up.

I tried to sleep like around 0530 but I rolled around for like 15 minutes and I gave up trying. So I came back to my laptop and decided to surf thru friendster and stuff. Then I saw Mal’s new blog address. THAT was entertaining. I think she should do something like the princess diaries or sth. Write books. I think her command of English is good. Either that or become a lawyer. You don't wanna get in any disagreement with her. I’m not saying this outta sarcasm. But seriously. And anyways, sorry about the Harry Potter book incident. Didn’t mean to be such a bitch about it. I didn’t know why I didn’t like Vic at the time but yeah. THAT was classroom politics and it’s all over now. Okay, not expecting Mallory to read my entries, but yeah, my sincere apologies.

And Mallory’s blog has kept me up till now. I’ll probably be a walking zombie later. Shall try to get some shuteye now.

Nitey.

posted by Rinster @ 7:16 am 1 Comments

-untitled-

thanks babehh for the ring.
haha. knew u'd read. love you.

beach tmr it is.

and dear lyon, have fun in DB. will be waitg for u when u come out. hah!
u owe me $18 and a birthday present. some brother you are. haha. hurry up and come out and gimme what u owe me!

thanks for those who came down for the party and supported me. many curses to those who came down and bought from other ppl. hah. nahh. i love u guys too and those tt didnt/couldnt make it.

posted by Rinster @ 2:20 am 0 Comments