Shitty.
Im not happy. I had trouble sleeping last night. Half my mind was on my tattoo and the other half was on you.The tattoo was my own fault. Did it on impulse and then regretted. Was thinking if I should tell my parents. If yes, which one first. How I should go about it and so on and so forth. Doesnt really matter. I finally decided to keep it a secret. For now.
Yesterday you called me to say goodnight while I was still having dinner with my friends. I apologized about not being able to meet you today. You were like, its okay, I have a date anyways. And on further probing, I find out that this girls your exand you can actually tell me YOU HAVE A DATE WITH HER?! During the time span of about 3 weeks, you met up with 2 of your exs. Not counting those you meet in school. You specially flew all the way to Australia to meet Gladys. Skipped a day of school for that. Ill bet you havent told them about me? Right. I dont really wanna think about it. Ill be more upset.
Duhh! Any girlfriend would be jealous. I didnt show that cuz I didnt want you to do the same to me. Okay, show a lil jealousy to a certain extent. Mitchells my ex and we are good friends. So is Samuel. But I dont meet up with them often. But if I go church, I cant avoid seeing them.
So you show me a lil attitude about me meeting Lyon. I cant throw a lil hissy fit abt you meeting your ex? The difference is that you had something going on with her before. But that does not apply to me and Lyon. Our relationship is literally and totally platonic.
So I woke up this morning irritated. Didnt sleep much. So I woke up all grumpy. And the first thing I thought of was your little date. Right. You can tell me you were joking. Dont EVER joke about these things. You may find it amusing, but I dont. Really. After I made a small fuss, you didnt bother replying. Your excuse being you didn feel like talking. Sending a text does not require talking. I called like twice and you damn tidak apa. Hello?! Cant you tell Im feeling insecure at this point of time. I still need some reassurance from my boyfriend. At least when you kick up a small fuss about Lyon, I still reply you, no matter how much I dont feel like talking.
All through dinner today, I couldnt help but think why is this happening to me again. I was feeling soooooooo insecure. I somehow doubt well last a year. I dont even know if well last 6 months. I used to think sex destroys everything. Thanks to john. And now, I still do. I feel as if you are gonna break up with me soon. That is how insecure I feel.
Random thoughts penned down today:
because shit like that happens, it makes me remember why I so badly wanted to stay single.I think sex makes or breaks the relationship. Also, I think trust makes or breaks the relationship
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But nonetheless i tried to stay cheerful throughout dinner with my family.
photos will be up soon.
posted by Rinster @ 1:03 am
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