THE ROCKSTAR.

i feel like i'm somehow testing my limit as to how long i can stay awake for.
but not by choice.

posted by Rinster @ 4:49 am 0 Comments

huh?!

why does it suddenly feel like im in a relationship or two?
we're all friends right?

posted by Rinster @ 6:38 pm 0 Comments

The worst feeling ever is not knowing whether to wait or to move on.

posted by Rinster @ 10:02 am 0 Comments

both R and Z tell me that im great company because im comfortable to hang out with.
really?
i feel like lately im so caught up in my depression that they dont even know how to cheer me up.

sigh. can we just hang out, sit/lie there and not talk?
just enjoy the silence and the night sky.

posted by Rinster @ 3:59 am 0 Comments

sorry

ive lost count of the number of times ive tried calling. i know ive never tried so much with anyone else before. the waiting, the being there at your beck and call, putting up with everything.
im sorry. i was upset with you and i shouldnt have said those things. in my defense, i said it because i was angry.
and after all this rubbish happening, after trying to get over you on move on, i've come to realise you still matter so much to me. youre still the one i love. and i dont just tell any guy that. because it isnt easy. and only until im sure then i'll say it.
i went through stuff for you. 7 months worth. i honestly thought you werent gonna change and it was hurting me. i got scared and i wanted out.
then i put you through stuff too. 2 months worth. but hurt cannot be measured with time. it cant be compared either.
im not even sure right now who has become collateral damage.

im just sorry. i never meant for things to turn out this way. i just know i regret making the decisions i made. i was impulsive, i wasnt really thinking. and i know it reflected badly on me.

but dont you dare say youre just a stand in or that im making use of you. its not like there arent any others interested. you know it.


youre making a mistake.
both of us know how we feel about each other.
youre blinded by the novelty of all this.



btw, youre an asswipe for giving up so easily.
youre gonna end up hurting 3 people.

its bs telling me that its too late and all that.
whats wrong with you?
we both can see that future. we both know how you feel about me. theres no denying it.
we have history. we've been through a lot. enough for me to know youre still worth it.

one day. one day youre gonna see how much i love you and realise.

in the meantime, the rational part of me is telling me to let you make that mistake. anyways, youre alr taking the first few steps i did. in exactly the same fashion.

by doing what youre doing now though, youre losing half of me.
the other half is still holding on because i wouldve wanted you to do the same for me.

posted by Rinster @ 3:56 am 0 Comments

FML
this sucks.
why is everything happening all at once. and why is all this still happening to me.

dear lord, what is the message youre trying to send me?!

i am so very very tired.

this year started off so very badly. then so much nonsense midyear. arent things supposed to start looking up by now?

cant i just have a quiet life like last year? i was happy for most of it. and thats good enough for me.
=(((

posted by Rinster @ 2:15 am 0 Comments

TSKKK
what is up with exs and them calling/texting me in the middle of nowhere?!

and you. theres a reason why i've not contacted you in years. i think you should still leave me alone.

posted by Rinster @ 7:54 pm 0 Comments