not so happy
I can't even enjoy today cuz of the fckn final submissions next week. I hate myself for procrastinating. Damn the model making and technical drawings. I can't wait to start on plants.
I feel like it's not just school. I've been feeling like that for awhile. But I can't seem to put a finger on what the fuck is bothering me. I wasn't even in the mood to celebrate since last week. I didn't even plan to meet friends. But I do still wanna meet them. So I've settled for next saturday, after final submissions. Actually, come to think of it, Thurs night is possible too since Fri is a hol. I'll start planning after wed morn's submission. I wanna sit somewhere and drink like old times. I wanna get wasted for the first time cuz I know this time I have a bf to rely on. Love him to bits.
This week basically sucked. Busy with school shit and on top of that the bf was outfield. Which also means not contactable. I can't even take comfort in listening to his voice at the end of the day. And, now that it's my birthday, I'm feeling more cranky than before. I've still got almost twenty hours before we finally meet. This is almost torture. Counting down the days wasn't so bad cuz I was kept busy with school. But, if I had the choice, I'd rather be busy with sth else. Duh! Who wouldn't? Well, my week wasn't totally lousy. I had mornings and nights to look forward to. Because that meant opening his texts. (He sent me 10 texts at a go before he left for outfield cuz he knew he wouldn't be able to contact me. And he wanted me to cheer up a little about the situation). 2 texts per day. 1 for morning and 1 for at night. It's great but it doesn't beat talking to him at night.
I've never in my life felt so safe, secure, stable and all that. I've never been able to feel like I'm able to rely on someone, trust someone like that. No doubt, I'm still a little commitment phobic. (I say little cuz he's able to curb so many, well most, of my doubts and insecurities.) I'm still a lil apprehensive of the future, whatever it may hold. There's no such thing as a guarantee for relationships. No money back guarantees, no warranties, nothing. Everything is just banked on love. Yet, I can see a future with him.
Like I said, he doesn't see his good points. But I think the world of him. He just hasn't seen what I've already known.
I feel like it's not just school. I've been feeling like that for awhile. But I can't seem to put a finger on what the fuck is bothering me. I wasn't even in the mood to celebrate since last week. I didn't even plan to meet friends. But I do still wanna meet them. So I've settled for next saturday, after final submissions. Actually, come to think of it, Thurs night is possible too since Fri is a hol. I'll start planning after wed morn's submission. I wanna sit somewhere and drink like old times. I wanna get wasted for the first time cuz I know this time I have a bf to rely on. Love him to bits.
This week basically sucked. Busy with school shit and on top of that the bf was outfield. Which also means not contactable. I can't even take comfort in listening to his voice at the end of the day. And, now that it's my birthday, I'm feeling more cranky than before. I've still got almost twenty hours before we finally meet. This is almost torture. Counting down the days wasn't so bad cuz I was kept busy with school. But, if I had the choice, I'd rather be busy with sth else. Duh! Who wouldn't? Well, my week wasn't totally lousy. I had mornings and nights to look forward to. Because that meant opening his texts. (He sent me 10 texts at a go before he left for outfield cuz he knew he wouldn't be able to contact me. And he wanted me to cheer up a little about the situation). 2 texts per day. 1 for morning and 1 for at night. It's great but it doesn't beat talking to him at night.
I've never in my life felt so safe, secure, stable and all that. I've never been able to feel like I'm able to rely on someone, trust someone like that. No doubt, I'm still a little commitment phobic. (I say little cuz he's able to curb so many, well most, of my doubts and insecurities.) I'm still a lil apprehensive of the future, whatever it may hold. There's no such thing as a guarantee for relationships. No money back guarantees, no warranties, nothing. Everything is just banked on love. Yet, I can see a future with him.
Like I said, he doesn't see his good points. But I think the world of him. He just hasn't seen what I've already known.
I'm lucky to have you, B.
posted by Rinster @ 2:39 am
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